Raising a child is a chaos. But its not. Really? So they say- those many many authors and specialists who have broken it down, classified it, demystified it. Now we have a formula for play time, shortcuts to easy dinners, simple steps for potty training and behold, a process for tantrums. All packaged and ready to use like a cake mix. A reason to rejoice, right?
Not for me. This system of simple steps has always raised mild alarm bells in my head. I wasn't too sure why. Some soul searching and a lot of recent reading has given me a clue to why "organized" child rearing" bothers me so much. Well, to start there is the approach where the parent pulls back to look at the child as a separate little entity that has to be trained into a certain way like a little dog, pushed and sculpted to fit an accepted mold. I wonder why we have to detach ourselves so severely from the tinies who were a physical part of us and continue to be an emotional part of us, to be so rigidly objective or to plan our responses so methodically.
I understand that there needs to be a "letting go" at some point to demarcate the child's sense of self, to build his/her confidence but perhaps it doesn't have to have a formatted transition. Each culture has its own path to this letting go, its own processes and its own values it seeks to transfer. There is no ONE way, there is no ONE solution.
I also feel that planning our parenting strategies to such a great extent kills our emotional responses, or spiritual instincts that are otherwise at play in this relation between parent and child. A naturalness in our natures that automatically reaches out to nurture and relay aspirations and despair. The contemporary science of parenting seeks to propagate only the positive, only the "presence" but what can be positive and present if it weren't for the negative and "absent"? How can we block one dimension- the one that lends us depth- of our existence from our sensitive little people without consciously pushing them away? I think, though it might sound rather regressive, that transmitting positive and the negative- happiness and sorrow- are so so essential for the wholesome development of a child. (By negative, I don't mean intense anger, hate or any other emotion that is self destructive and extreme) And we don't live in a happy, yet plastic Disney Land- we exist in a real world with real emotions. So why not be real with our children?
When a child is born, so is a complex multi-conscious bond that replaces the physical cord that was cut. This connection is not a uni-direction or even a dual directional one like a string but one that is fluid and pervades the ether of our lives. So in essence it silently fills into the negative spaces and mixes into the everyday like an ocean. Parenthood is a hybridization of our existing lifestyle with the life of the newcomer. This mixing is a gentle process, a quiet process that may have many a turbulent turns. But it is a natural process. One that needs time, patience and understanding- precious commodities that our jobs, schedules and hobbies don't permit.
When a child is born, so is a complex multi-conscious bond that replaces the physical cord that was cut. This connection is not a uni-direction or even a dual directional one like a string but one that is fluid and pervades the ether of our lives. So in essence it silently fills into the negative spaces and mixes into the everyday like an ocean. Parenthood is a hybridization of our existing lifestyle with the life of the newcomer. This mixing is a gentle process, a quiet process that may have many a turbulent turns. But it is a natural process. One that needs time, patience and understanding- precious commodities that our jobs, schedules and hobbies don't permit.
