Existential dread and the promise of happy endings

I am researching on fairy tales for a class paper. And I want to say one thing while facts and logic point me to something else. And it should be easy to revise my opinions, open my mind but I persist in holding on to something that I can't quite fathom. A feeling that niggles at the back of my mind, a certain something thats so part of me that it has never needed any explanation.

 

What I thought would be a fairly easy assignment has turned into a relentless soul searching. Where do we draw the line between childhood security and gender manipulation? Don't we modern women like to think of ourselves as empowered in comparison to our counterparts of earlier centuries? But then what is empowerment- its not a homogenous "equality", thats obvious. And its not ensuring a safe life or the elusive "freedom". Who do we want to be? More importantly, is who we want to be pre-programmed into us by culture? There is pretty much noway to find out- erasure of culture is a culture by itself.

And yet, if its all just manipulation why do some aspects tap into psyches far far more than others? What is that naive, childhood longing that still surfaces on lonely bus rides and loud parties? Some cultures prescribe a "swallowing" while others medicate a "running away"....but its there, always lurking, ready to flow in at the slightest slip of our ambitious, determined "happiness". Ash says nobody understands what the hell I'm talking about but then....

 

But then I think many can...only that these things sound unfamiliar when they are taken out of our souls and worded into sentences.

It takes a plastic bag!!

Yeah, its like our brain is programmed to perceive only out of context...like a self surprising machine.
Me and Ash spent yesterday afternoon trying to fix that blinking srs light in the Civic. Ash worked something out, gave me a print out and I was to read out the instructions. He was looking underneath the steering wheel with a plastic bag over his head. (floor of car was dusty and we din't have the insight to fetch a cap...so we improvised with what was lying about in the car)
And thats when it hit me...the contentment bit. Maybe I'm not living out my plan but to watch my husband wear a WalMart bag on his head seemed so right!!!

And so did the high five and the "yay team!!" at the end :D

Narrating my life.....

Ever since I started blogging I seem to go about life hunting for moments or ideas that I can put into my blog. Its like this parallel processing my brain seems to be doing as it tries to capture the little ironies that hold my attention or flitting thoughts that breeze through my mind. And as I walk down the driveway, check in my luggage or water my little indoor plant, I seem to string together words and see how it all unfolds. Though most of it does not find its way here (since the moment is lost or I just forget), I think I've become a Thought-Collector.